Day Six - April 6, 2020
Today I barely woke up… I can no longer work all day in the garden and not feel its effects the next day. Nonetheless - Nellie needed her walk … through the tall grass and into the woods...
The sun rose, despite the virus.
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A bumpy day all around with one student coming out of the gates this morning having intense writer’s bloc and a looming deadline tomorrow morning. We sat in the sun to calm down from our intense verbal exchange… multiple times. By 5pm, we were wrung dry and the sun slowly began to set. It’s ok - we finished alive.
I planted grass seed again over the bare patches in the back yard that apparently decided they would not germinate. This time I’ll try to be more intentional about keeping it moist during the germination stage.
There has been a generalized sense of weariness circling throughout our home today - affecting productivity and relationships. I found myself this evening opening to a passage of Scripture I’ve been working through for the past month - I Kings 18-19. Here we read of the great miraculous event on Mount Carmel when God sends fire down from Heaven to burn up the sacrifice … and it takes out the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, the soil and licks up all the water in the trench.
Elijah is ecstatic believing that now that the people of Israel have seen such a miracle, they will turn back to God. He takes off running towards the capital city of Jezreel - expectations in place - only to discover the opposite is true and there is a death warrant out on his life. Terrified, Elijah takes off running for his life again and at some point, he lets his servant go. The post-modern version could be translated - he laid off his entire staff.
Elijah came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “Take my life, I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. We read about the angel of the Lord coming to Elijah and gently ministering to his needs, caring first for his physical needs by offering him food and drink. At this, Elijah is refreshed and traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb - the mountain of God. The same mountain on which Moses received the Ten Commandments from God. Then he went into the cave and spent the night.
Life doesn’t always go as we think it will. It doesn’t always go as we prefer. Sometimes we have huge mountaintop experiences - when life is full and overflowing! We see plenty, miracles, blessing, opportunity… and hardly ever noticing - we may easily attach an expectation to the event.
We predict our future, plan out our days, set our sights way out into the future. It’s not always wrong - it’s just dangerous. Dangerous to attach our cart to a “horse” that just finished a great race. Dangerous to align ourselves with an event rather than our God.
And when we do… the process is painful. Humiliating. Back-breaking… Life-altering. For as high up as that roller coaster soared - it must also come down. This time with the weight of gravity driving it to the dust. Lamentation 3 talks all about a man who is facing extreme sorrow and grief. Verse 28-29 reads: “Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust - there may yet be HOPE.”
The social distancing (alone time) that we as an entire globe are facing right now can be really challenging. Some days are easier than others… And some days, like today, I actually kind of wish it was pure alone time and not shared with the cherubs that I adore and the Russian who growls more often on Mondays.
But there is HOPE! And when we keep reading in I Kings 19 - we see the word of the Lord again comes to Elijah - and this time Elijah is HIDDEN up in a cave. “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah’s reply is drowning with self-pity and woe. And the Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks - but the Lord was not in the wind.
After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper… when Elijah heard the WHISPER - he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” God asks him again what he is doing HIDING in the cave. And Elijah gives the same woeful reasons of unrealized expectations and self-pity.
In mercy, God calls him out from his HIDING, drowning, sorrow, grief, self-pity, arrogance, and woe. God doesn’t leave him with his face buried in the dust. He tells him to get up and get back to work. Get back into the action plan God has ordered out for him. Yes, he’s a nightmare. Yes, he performed miracles, Yes, he failed. Yes, he ran away. Yes, he wallowed in his pain.
But when he heard the whisper of God - he could do nothing else but obey. This was a man after God’s heart.
For what it's worth, I thought it wiser to write the details of Elijah’s story in my journal tonight rather than my own. However, I believe it wouldn’t take a genius to recognize that our day has been a little less than glamorous. It’s why we read Scripture, though… it encourages us to get back up. To attune our ears to hear God’s voice in the silence… HIDDEN in the whisper.