Day Seven - April 7, 2020
Today I woke up before dawn - simply because I fell into the deepest sleep right after dinner… Nellie needed her walk … tall grass - woods...
The sun rose gloriously this morning! It defied the shadowing pandemic...
*****
Thankful, today, for some normalcy after feeling upside down most of yesterday!
Everyone worked steadily on their own today which was amazing! At one point, as I walked through the kitchen, I heard Kat’s professor teaching statistics and probability. I came around the corner to the study room to find Dan, Leah and Kia in History class via Zoom with their regular weekly teacher. I ran upstairs to get a sweatshirt and heard Andrei doing trades in the office… and everywhere that Mommy went - Nellie was sure to go.
I paused in gratefulness to take note that just for this moment - all was well and at peace. I don’t know how long this stay-at-home order will last. I do know that at some time it will be over. Sports will begin again, vacations, errands, community events… kids will go off to their various lessons for school and Andrei to work. It won’t always be all of us at home together… so I’m trying to remember these times as a gift.
Since everyone else in the house was intensely engaged in their work, no one noticed that I had dragged a large pallet to the front of the house - until I pulled out the power tools. I think the gardening situation is overtaking the kitchen. This year, I’m trying all different types of seeds. I usually don’t do well with seedlings because I start them too early. This year, I have them hanging and propped up all over the downstairs of the house.
Our youngest daughter has expressed the absurdity of this endeavor as she enjoys a neat, tidy, organized and predictable environment. It doesn’t help that I have to turn the plants periodically towards the sun to achieve proper growth and stability… so just when she gets used to one set-up - the garden shifts again!
So in an attempt to love her AND my plants… I “scrounged” around the garage looking for four casters Andrei found at a yard sale about “100 years ago.” I then proceeded to attach them to the bottom of the pallet I found in someone’s trash. Leah eagerly brought ALL the plants out of the house and placed them onto the pallet. I can now wheel them outside into the sunshine during the day and wheel them back into the garage overnight or when the temperature is too low. I think we added at least another 100 square feet to our living space.
I had great plans to go out with the kids to spot and photograph the supermoon this evening. However, Andrei came home from walking the dog with “bad news” that somewhere (most likely in the bamboo grove) Nellie’s collar fell off. Ugh! With only 45 minutes of light left - Dan, Andrei, Nellie and I headed back to the woods to see if we could find the collar -the supermoon - hidden behind the clouds…
No collar. We found spiders, frogs, unknown animals with beady eyes, birds, and plenty other wildlife… but no collar and no supermoon. I’m weighing my options as to trying to get another set of tags for her or tackling the woods again in the light.
I’m trying to think resourcefully these days - rarely leaving home. Everything I do, feels like some version of the upcycling art classes I used to teach. I remember when I was teaching those two semesters, I looked at everything differently. Mothers with young kids would save their baby food jars so we could paint and design tea lights. Cardboard waste from a packing company became a lesson in tessellations, bubble wrap for concrete designs… These were my favorite classes to teach.
I feel like I’m back in that era again… searching and looking at things differently to see how they might be resourced. Yes, I’m driven by an intense aversion to going in public. But it’s ok.
I’m reminded as to how God looks down on humanity and loves. He sees the empty vessels that we sometimes are… the overlooked and disregarded pieces of our soul. He sees the protective walls we place around ourselves - and yet He smiles. He loves to bring beauty out of the ashes. Life from dust.
I’m not sure I’m going to be able to finagle a set of dog tags out of something sitting around my house - but I am sure of one thing. One day, God looked down on my heart and smiled. His kindness drew me near. Despite all my wrongs and hurt, he saw value. Worth. He made the exchange on my behalf. His Son’s life, for my redemption. I saw the Cross, reached out and took His hand.
He sees me perfect.
Beautiful.
Whole.
I am redeemed.