Day Twenty-Six - April 26, 2020
Today I awoke to pouring down rain… and tonight, it continues to steadily come down. I’m sure the sun rose and set but Nellie did not get her walk.
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I gave up on a certain number of potted plants. A few weeks ago, everything was looking great and we had some great warm sunny days… so I moved the seedlings to the garage and then into the sun and then into the garage and into the sun… and then when frost was predicted in the forecast - they came back inside the study room.
Now they’re just sad and look like they’ve been on an African safari and didn’t fare well along the journey. That being said… it looks like it’s time to start another round of shishito peppers and a brand new variety of heirloom tomatoes. It’s back to grow lights and potting soil all over the study room!
The rest of the day was spent curled up in bed with a little white pup who didn’t understand why we couldn’t go walking today.
We’re finishing out our very low-key day having a sleepover at Nanny’s house. Thankfully Nanny is recovering well. Everyday she gets stronger after her fall. We are so grateful!
I’m coming down to the end of this month-long journaling journey... five more days to finish off the commitment I made to God back in December. Five more days of vulnerably sticking my little head out from under a rock and publicly giving an honest peek at the inside of my world.
There are some evenings when I am forced to pause and wait before I write… Wait for the dust of the day to settle, wait for emotions to get in place, wait for a sense of being centered and grounded.
There are other evenings when things seem very silent - like tonight - and I have to lean in very far to extract whatever it is that God might be prompting me to consider.
To posture my heart to hold out my hands and wait. Not clenched but open… waiting for Him to speak. Open for Him to take what He desires and replace with what He deems best… a quiet exchange of power. Not mine, God… yours.
Sometimes He points to the strangest things… asking that I turn them over to His care alone. Sometimes I sense His smile when He’s the only one who sees improvement within me and everyone else sees a near nightmare!
Sometimes He instructs as Professor and Teacher and other times, He is Healer and Comforter.
Each night, as I reflect and consider … He speaks quietly. Never in anger, always with love… “Would you choose My way?” He speaks as a loving Father and it is nearly impossible to refuse - yet the choice always remains mine.
Such a powerful gift - the gift of choice… And while we were still messed up sinners - He chose us! He loved us before we ever loved Him.
And so in the quiet of this night, as the rain continues to steadily fall… I chose Him. Again. Whatever he points to… whatever He asks… I only ask for fierce bravery to follow, strength for feeble faith and, if possible, some true and honest friends to serve as handholds along the way.
