The Great I Am
April 6, 2022
When my kids were growing up, we spent loads of time putting puzzles together. Usually the earlier nights of autumn or the first few snow flurries of winter would find us searching for just the right puzzle box to suit our mood.
When they were little, it was little more than a children’s box set of 25-100 pieces in total. And as they grew, so did our choice in level of difficulty.
Sometimes, as a mom of three wondrously-wild kids, getting them to settle down for deeper conversations was a challenge. However, eventually I discovered that the silence of the puzzle often opened the door for deeper and freer dialogue. I was quiet; they spoke.
Sometimes, I would find key pieces ahead of the kids and tried to place them such a way that they would feel the elation of discovery. Inwardly, I smiled… how much delight I received in this quiet time we shared.
Sometimes the puzzle sat for days, untouched. No one had time. No one could find just the right piece to move on. And often, everyone was convinced pieces were missing from the box.
But eventually, we came ‘round to discovering that we really did have all the pieces. We really did have what was necessary to complete the challenge.
And at the completion of every new puzzle, we celebrated… We faced the challenge and won!
These days you won’t find us huddled up ‘round the table searching for an elusive piece of pretty cardboard - deep in conversation about friends and life…
You won’t find us chuckling at the belief that we are surely missing not one, not two, nor three significant pieces of our puzzle…
More often than not, you will find us sprawled out on a kitchen floor trying to figure out how to keep going some days.
Or gathered ‘round a hospital bed when the days are hard, and the pain is high.
Or finding ourselves using serious amounts of highly-priced gas as we drive and drive and drive and drive trying to find our way and process outside the four walls of our real-life puzzle
The days, more recently, seem like a puzzle. A giant mysterious puzzle …
We are a real life hospice family. We’ve moved in with my mom - Nanny. We were given three months at the sudden onset of this journey… and we’re coming up on six.
Six, long, puzzling months of searching.
Searching…
Within ourselves
Within each other
Beyond and between one another
Up, under, around, and behind
We search for strength -
We search for joy -
We search for long-suffering -
even while we’re surrounded by suffering…
Sometimes we search for -
supplements,
pain meds,
caregivers
and rest.
Sometimes we search for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control.
The fruit of the Spirit… the overflow of hearts surrendered. Hearts deeply entrenched in a giant mysterious real-life puzzle.
And so -
More often than not -
my posts aren’t overly personal in ways that
make you feel liked you’ve got
a front row seat at the table …
The table where our most complicated puzzle, to date, has sovereignly been set before us.
The table where you’ll still find us, from time to time - believing we are missing pieces…
More often than not, you’ll find us with -
- questions still needing to be answered…
- gaps still needing to be filled…
- sanctification still needing to be completed…
Some nights we fall asleep in desperation
Awakening to a new desperation…
Some days we march through the day
with renewed vigor, energy and hope!
And fall asleep in sheer exhaustion and gratefulness.
Some days we laugh as people crawl all over this little place we call “Nanny’s Island.” We find humor in the ridiculous and mundane.
Some days we just cry.
I just cry because I can’t figure it out.
And because this is a both a personal and public journey - I try to be intentional about leaving out specific details of everyday life… It’s my way of showing honor and respect.
But make no mistake -
There is never a day that passes when we don’t see the fingerprints of I AM carefully placing the seemingly elusive next piece of our future in front of us. Jehovah-Jireh - Our Provider.
And that is because we know -
He has gone before us and
set the table for every life situation
to end with praise!
He went to the grave to conquer the greatest puzzle of humanity - the forgiveness of sin - to bring about eternal life.
And because of His great love for us,
we are not consumed.
His mercy is new every morning…
so very great is His faithfulness.
And so, today, dear friends… remember your Creator! The Puzzle Maker!
Who has solved our greatest need…
This is where we place - our faith.
On a Cross and -
AN EMPTY GRAVE!
The Great I AM
