May 19th, 2021
“And you promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’”
I’m working my way through a study entitled, “The Gospel of Jacob.” The teaching this morning left me in awe again. (https://gospelinlife.com/dow.../the-fight-of-your-life-5250/ )
Every feeble and weak part of my heart cringed as I leaned in this morning… I felt called out. Identified. Found out. Heard. And yet, as I breathed quietly through the raw exposure of Jacob’s heart, I breathed quietly for myself as well. God had not forgotten him. God has not forgotten me.
And the middle aged man called out in desperation to an all-knowing God, “... You promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’” (As if God had spoken a promise to his child and might have forgotten…) And it’s recorded in Scripture that Jacob reminded God - not once, but twice in the same day.
This part of the story, (Gen. 32) takes place after Jacob has tricked his father, Isaac, into blessing him instead of his brother, Esau. It takes place after being tricked by his uncle into working double time for the woman he idolized. It takes place after tricking himself into believing that all would be ok if he could just be blessed. By his father, his uncle, by marriage, by sonship. By God himself.
To be lavished upon with bounty - never poverty. To live in comfort - never in want. To carry a name of honor - never second place…
And God journeyed for years with this man - letting him steal, kill, and destroy.... sustaining him in times of plenty, carrying him during desperate need.
And one day - God asked Jacob to face his greatest fear - to face the brother from whom he stole - only to end up penniless.
And in obedient surrender, the aged man, full of fear, packed all he now owned to face his greatest fear. He turned his face towards home -
And I wonder - was he full of courageous faith even while he trembled?
Or did he just stand in quiet defeat,
like a young child again -
reminding himself aloud…
“God, remember? You promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’”
I don’t know how he spoke to his Heavenly Father and maybe because I don’t know - I can swoop myself up and place myself into this storyline, however God guides, and simply cheer wildly as Jacob turns for home.
Afterall - If HE can turn to face his greatest fear on a one-line directive from God - then there’s hope for me!
There is a way to be terrified and still obey. There is a way to be full of human fear, yet trust.
There is a way to live for years in opposition to good and right - and still find the path home…
There is no real hero in the story of Jacob. And maybe that’s the point. God reminding me that He can work with one who gets so much wrong - the one who headed home.
As my time of listening came to an end this morning - every feeble and weak part of my heart rose up in response to the courage of Jacob, the redeemed sinner!
So can I.
I have been called out, identified, found out, and heard.
And grace came like a roaring fire -
crashing over my weakness…
until all that remained was gold.
Pure gold -
tried by the fire of suffering.
My heart leaned in to Him.
Alive and well...
