May 27th, 2021

Along the path I walk almost every morning, township employees are hard at work constructing a water runoff drainage ditch. It now appears to hook up to the huge retention pond nearby. 

For the past month or so, we have been navigating our walks around big huge pieces of machinery, massive pipes, grates, and tons of mud. It wasn’t until a fews days ago that we could even figure out what they were building. It’s all covered up beautifully now with topsoil, grass seed, and finished off with nice looking mulch.  It’s actually quite impressive given the magnitude of the project.

Tonight, we walked in the coolness of the evening after running errands all day in the hot sun while trying to gather together the last minute items for Katya’s trip. The wind blew gently, the sun nearly gone, darkness quickly descended upon us. We walked our familiar path, no longer caked with mud.

After walking a quarter of a mile, we came to the section of the path where the freshly dug trench sends a pipe through a tunnel under the swell to the other side of the retention pond. For now,  everything is bone dry. Yesterday we had one great and amazing rain storm, but that’s all the rain we’ve had in a very long time.

I sat in the grass staring at this long expansive ditch holding nothing, right now, but grass and mulch. I stared at the pipe fastened in place to quickly funnel away large amounts of water.

And I thought of emotions. I thought of times in my life when I’ve been hammered emotionally or environmentally, and experienced overwhelming emotions.

While the hardworking township employees are following the directions of engineers who have spent months surveying and drawing up maps and designs to improve the quality of this beautiful park, they’re also getting ready to construct a few new buildings.

Getting water away from the right place is just as important as getting it to the right place.

Just like my emotions… 

I am by nature a pretty emotional person. I try hard to reign them in - but my natural state tends to be more emotional than not. In the past, I’ve spent long hours, days, and sometimes seasons being overwhelmed by emotions.  They would overshadow my work, my relationships, my home… There wasn’t always a proper “drainage” ditch in place to catch and collect, sift and siphon them to an appropriate place.

And because of that, I experienced, over the years, relationship failures and lots of crying, frustration, anger and generalized anxiety… often feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed. It meant I could not live my best life.

For many years, I fought what felt like a losing battle.

Shortly after our youngest was born, I unraveled. It was time to find a different way. A different path. Time to dig a ditch to siphon away some of the debilitating emotions.

Carefully, I traded a few unhealthy relationships for a few good friends. Friends who would love me with a beautiful balance of both truth and love. I planted myself in a community of growing and thriving like-minded people. Brothers and sisters who serve the kingdom of God with incredible grace and love.

I bottle fed, spoon fed, “cut-up-and-chew” fed Scripture into my heart to keep my mind continually renewed. I found teachers, pastors, mentors, and life coaches to help walk me through dark days of anxiety and trouble… to help sift off, drain off, filter off unhealthy living. I worked hard to find a plan for taking an overwhelmed state and guiding it to a more healthy state.

And over time, the ground became firmer under my feet.

But in all this… all this planning and working, serving and striving... there was a piece out of order.

Grace -

Nothing could ever replace the gift of grace. Unmerited favor. Nothing could ever quite work out right until the Cross came first.

Nothing can replace the Cross that comes and gently wraps up all my striving, gathers together all my trying, scoops up all my crying... and takes the good, the bad and the ugly - and makes something beautiful out of such a tangled mess.

The Cross that takes my overwhelmed state and directs it to a place of peace…

That’s more about grace than about my effort.
That’s more about mercy than about my deserving.
That’s more about living than about my trying.

That’s the way of the Cross… the mysterious work of a Sovereign God who can take all and make it good.

Good to be alive.