Day Twenty - April 20, 2020
Today I awoke rested, refreshed and grateful. Nellie’s walk was cut short by Mr. Fox who made his appearance at the far end of the field. Thankfully, two mallard ducks helped redirect Nellie in the opposite direction!
The sun rose again… beautiful and warm.
*****
This morning I got tripped up by something I observed via social media that tipped my heart’s scale and caused me to come unwound. Ugh! I wrestled with my frustration and knew that the bigger issue needing to be tackled was my reaction. I couldn’t get my footing or my bearings - it had thrown me way off kilter. The problem, I knew, was me - my adverse reaction to something that should have been celebrated. I really hate these types of situations - when I feel as though somehow the cart has moved in front of the horse… when my emotions are barrelling full speed ahead without wisdom.
I spent many years of my life riding the roller coaster of having my emotions sitting in the driver’s seat, taking me places I didn’t always want to go. Often I felt trapped by their control and didn’t have many tools to change - even though it’s what I truly desired.
After many years of working with life coaches, counselors, teachers, mentors, friends - the Holy Spirit graciously allowed me to learn how to live without having my emotions continually overwhelming me. I will never take this lightly… This gift is something so priceless and dear to me. It has cost me everything. Everything.
One tool I possess is a handful of close, honest friends who will always allow me to sift through situations like these... As I sift, they listen. Point, direct, suggest, question. But every word they speak hits like an arrow - and forces my eyes Heavenward. These are the dearest of friends… the ones who will plunk your feet in the muck and mire and stand on top of you if necessary just to help you find your footing. The ones who will listen but with ears who are tuned to a higher frequency… The ones who will let us cry - but even as they wipe our tears - they are lacing our boots and kicking us out to get moving on the right trail. They are beautiful, fierce, loyal, God-fearing friends.
Even in the midst of this social distancing thing we do daily - hearts that God weaves together cannot easily be separated. Ecclesiastes 4 talks about friendship “Two are better than one… if one falls down, his friend can help him up... A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
The day moved on from that situation after spending some time with a friend working through some things I hadn’t considered. Oy vey! Consider - I can’t get rid of this word!
I lost my marbles a bit trying to help Daniel sift through his own thoughts and get them onto paper for yet another writing assignment! Two more weeks of this college class!
We decided to finish up the evening with a family walk alongside the river. Usually we don’t walk together as a family - for one reason or another… Things got intense when bamboo and sticks started twirling and the younger kids' old fencing tricks started up along the trail. Who gives their kids, born 16 months apart, fencing lessons!? Apparently Andrei and I do… thankfully they went back to tennis after two years of that “nonsense!” It was a ridiculous liability… everyday was a fencing match and every object was fair game!
Kat suggested I try not to take pictures of all flowers and vegetation along the walk - to try to find inorganic items and spruce up my camera roll with something other than every other blade of grass or flower petal. Her suggestions included the rusty sewer manhole lid, the old rusty cans amongst the skunk cabbage, some decrypt old sign that someone blew BB gun ammo through fifty years ago… yup! Not flowers and blades of grass.
But I think she’s right… there is beauty and color to be found if we look for it. The mere act of searching for something was half the fun!
Tomorrow, I’m pretty sure I’ll go back to flowers and blades of grass - but it was fun to play along with her tonight… One of my greatest joys is to have all my “little ones” together - even if it includes fencing with bamboo along the side of the river.
