May 17th, 2021
What causes arguing and fighting between us? This question rolled around in my mind all day… kind of like a ship blown and tossed around in high waters. I wrestled - but felt like I kept missing the punchline. Missing clarity.
As if considering the reasons for arguing and fighting wasn’t tiring enough - just as I sat down to write this evening - out of left field - unbeknownst to me - a battle was brewing and I never saw it coming.
It’s funny how a day’s worth of deep meditating, while planting veggies in the garden, kind of arms you one way or another for battle. To fight clean, or dirty.
I have a hand sketched drawing in my journal with a picture of a large cross sitting right in the middle. In front of the cross is a stick figure (since I can’t draw) representing me. There are arrows pointing to and from the Cross to me. Beyond the Cross is another stick figure titled, “offender.” There are arrows flowing from the Cross towards the offender. (In all honesty, you could sketch this out however the situation would fit. Offender/Offended.)
So much of my earlier life I spent arguing… defending myself, making my point, trying to be heard. Seeking to find value and significance… It either destroyed friendships and relationships or, at minimum, heavily taxed them. Wore them thin…
After the birth of our youngest child, God graciously allowed every string tightly wound within me to come undone. Completely and utterly - like a bad sweater fully unraveling. It was a dark time in my life - but not the darkest.
Armed with nothing but a desire to be well and whole, I found a place where I could begin the process of rebuilding my life - but this time - armed with truth. And surrounding every aspect of truth was a thick wall of grace. I needed that more than ever. Forever it felt like I was getting nowhere. Hauling out emotional junk and replacing it with truth, purging out the storage bins and filling them with grace.
Leah is sixteen now - so quite a bit of water has flowed under the bridge… And after lots of attempts and failures - God continues to find a way to use the broken pieces of my life and build something I could never have imagined on my own.
He guides me to the STRONG tower and lets me rest. He shelters me under His wings when the fiery darts are overhead. He teaches me from His Word the right ways to live. He hems me in with good friendships - ones that sustain me in good times and war through a balance of truth and love. He provides for my every need according to His promises.
He remains my shield as I go into every battle. Truth and love. Everytime.
That sketch I quickly drew in my journal is my rough way of plainly and clearly reminding myself --- “Look through the Cross every time. You will never see your offender/offended the way God sees them - unless you see them through the Cross.”
As I move towards the Cross, the Cross responds and reflects its Glory within me. I am changed. This change moves through me, through the Cross, towards the offender/offended. How they change or respond is no longer of utmost importance. Because I am changed in light of the Cross.
How I see the offender/offended through the view of Cross - changes EVERYTHING!
Oh gosh - but even after all this theology - I still get it wrong! Maybe not always to the same proportions as before… but sin is sin. Wrong is wrong.
And I remember another sketch hidden somewhere in another journal. Of a ladder with rungs going up, up, up… So often we try in our own righteousness to please God. We try to work our way up, up, up to Him.
And yet, the reality is - He meets us at the very first rung. Ready and eager to accept us as we are. No trying. No working. No achieving. And rather than working to achieve - He gives us a new IDENTITY with which to achieve! With which to climb...
Arguing and fighting amongst us… it’s going to happen. We are, afterall, human. But how we fight? Hmmmm… that might vary.
And when I see the offender/offended through the view of Cross -
Everything changes.
