Driveway Markers – February 2020
Two weekends ago, my husband bundled up our two youngest kids and my niece and headed to the frozen north for a few days of frigid snowboarding. Kat, our oldest, and I refused to brave the -18* temperatures and voluntarily elected to hold down the fort here in our “balmy” +20 degree weather... This included walking our incredibly active dog at least twice a day.
Whether it’s positive 20 degrees or negative 18… sometimes the cold just has a way of wearing me down. One afternoon, after an especially exhausting and freezing walk, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I was cold and irritable, didn’t know I was getting sick, and the dog had been a little less than stellar in her listening. I found myself tromping through the back wooded area for over an hour, through briars and over rabbit holes trying to convince her that listening and coming back was a great idea. She was delighted and assumed that I had joined her in her frolic through the brush. Irritated doesn’t quite communicate my mood, not to mention that my limbs were becoming more numb by the moment.
Needless to say, as we finally dropped wearily into the van, I was in a less than positive mood. It was with this attitude, I exited the park, planning to head home for some warm tea. As I approached the park exit, I looked left, then right… and for some reason I was caught completely off guard by an incredibly large number of driveway markers a homeowner had placed all along the road, up their driveway –both sides!– and, as I continued to look in disbelief – I discovered they bordered their entire property! Possibly over 100 markers!
To be honest, I was shocked, confused, irritated (more than before) and – I laughed. Not the “hah-hah you’re so funny” laugh… no, the other laugh… the “wow-you’re-so-odd” scornful laugh. The laugh that writes people off for being different, odd, weird. The laugh that scorns another’s humanity and devalues their worth, yet only lasts a split second.
I turned the corner with my half-second laugh, complete with an eye-roll… and then I heard that quiet voice and I knew I was in trouble… “Deb, is there a problem?” It’s that Holy Spirit voice that gets us when we’re trying to walk with Him, we’re praying for Him to mold and change us, and He speaks when we least anticipate His correction.
“Um, no…” – me, in my head.
“Is there a problem with the fact that this person has a warehouse number of driveway markers lining their property?” - God
“It’s just so stupid, right?? For starters, it looks ridiculous! And who, in their right mind, has enough time to spend lining their property with driveway markers when it rarely even snows here in PA? And honestly… for real? Don’t they have other things to do…”
I could feel the deep ugly places of my own familiar frustrations creeping out – leaping onto this poor unsuspecting, well-prepared homeowner. Like a flash before my eyes, I remembered the projects I still need to finish, the meals I wish I prepared, the organization I wish I possessed… my shortcomings loomed large and ugly.
And so, in order to take the focus off of my own inadequacies, I scorned the stranger who properly prepared his property for winter… In a flash, I created a story about this family in my head, took my assumptions to the next level, and judged them according to the story I had just created – all so that perhaps I wouldn’t have to feel “less-than”… All this, in a split second.
I suppose I could have just let this be… ask forgiveness and move along – but God had other ideas. Why? Because He loves me more than I deserve. He adores and wishes the very best for us… and so the conversation continued…
“So, Deb… could you come up with two very legitimate reasons as to why this family might have a thousand driveway markers lining their property? Two. Give me two, Deb…”
I pondered for a minute, thinking of my own mom who is older and needs us to care for her. We try to think ahead for snow and ice, trash collection, and meals… So I told God a story about an elderly couple who have children that adore them and live in Florida and in the fall they come up to help their parents be ready and safe for winter. And then I remembered a real fact about how their mailbox was hit twice last winter by the plow truck – so this year the family was trying to be a bit more proactive in helping alleviate this type of situation… And then I told God another story about an elderly couple who periodically needs ambulatory assistance and so they paid someone to professionally line their driveway to help assist EMT’s coming to their home…
And God smiled. I knew it… He had my heart and He certainly had my attention.
How often do we see a situation (driveway markers), create a story, make an assumption, and then judge accordingly? I know what it feels like when others do this to me – so why do I allow myself to walk this way as a follower of God?
Because we are human… and in need of grace. In need of God’s mercy to teach us the true ways of right living. In need of His sanctification and forgiveness… We may have walked with God for years, or maybe only for a short time, but we will always need to discipline ourselves to be forensically intentional in our journey so that we can grow.
Scripture is full of examples in which people formed an incorrect opinion or judgement… Jesus’ mother, Mary, is madly looking for her twelve year old son, and he needed to remind her that he was about His Father’s business. The dear twelve disciples of Jesus found themselves continually getting themselves into trouble for this. They got a bit huffy when too many little children gathered around Jesus - and He needed to remind them, “Let the little children come to me, for of such is the Kingdom of God.” Or remember when they scorned the five loaves and two fish as a viable solution to feeding over 5,000 people? Or when they panicked in the boat in the middle of the storm? Remember when Lazarus died and all the people wept - even Jesus? So Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe…” (John 11:14)
We have example after example, Saul freaking out and throwing his sword at David playing his harp, Jonah writing off an entire missionary field because he didn’t approve of where he was being sent, Daniel sitting in the middle of a lion’s den or a fiery furnace...
This isn’t really about those huge, gross and intentional judgements we might make… but the off-the-cuff comments, assumptions, and opinions we form that just aren’t fully based in truth. When our judgements skew our trajectory by just a small amount, in the end, we become way off track.
I’m reminded of Esther, a woman of God in the Old Testament. We see a young woman who intentionally chooses over and over to place herself under the care, under the authority, under the wisdom of the wise. Not once do we see the name of God mentioned in this book and yet she acts and speaks with a grace and honor that only comes by living first under God’s authority. We see her make choices, judgments, and decisions based on wisdom… based on truth. She is not just concerned for her own life, but for her entire race. An entire race is not obliterated because of her tenacious determination to choose well and lean into wisdom.
And so may we be careful to live well, speak well, honor well… may we be intentional about our words, our beliefs, our opinions. Find friends who will catch you in the act of creating “driveway marker” stories… Friends who will hold you accountable to a high standard. Friends who will be wise and influence you so that you might in turn influence your community, your world and even an entire nation.
Esther 2: 15 “When the turn came for Esther (the girl Mordecai had adopted) to go to the king, she asked for nothing other than what Hegai, the king’s eunuch suggested. And Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her.”
Twice a day I walk my dog at the park… twice a day I get the visual reminder of the driveway-marker-lesson. This past Saturday it snowed. No plow trucks hit the mailbox and the edge of the roadway was impeccably easy to navigate.
